by Angele Tanyeri
The Collyde Summit is a gathering of passionate believers in the NY, NJ, and PA area, who love Jesus and are convicted to become world changers. Collyde turned out to be a life-changing experience for me! To gather and worship in this way was profound. It also gave me a chance to ‘collide’ with individuals I may not have had an opportunity to meet otherwise.
by Elise Daly Parker
So for pretty much the 30+ years my beloved and I have been married, we have been “working” on our finances. Initially, it was just a matter of trying to be responsible with our money and not get in over our heads with debt. Truth be told, our success was short term. Some of this was circumstantial – unanticipated life and salary changes threw us for a loop. But, really? We overspent.
by Kathleen Whittam
There is a nickname for people who only go to church on Christmas and Easter--a ChrEaster. My mom has long been a fan of the Christmas cactus, a plant that, oddly enough, blooms around Christmas as well as Easter. I started calling them a ChrEaster Cactus.
By Beth Stiff
I wanted to start from the beginning...
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.~ Genesis 1:1-2
My focal point was going to be on the three words God says over and over again in the first chapter of Genesis: “…it is good."
He looked at all He created and said it was good. ~ Genesis 1:31
Starting from the beginning sounded like a good plan because I’m currently reading from the Book of Genesis and those three words jumped off the pages as I read. If we believe everything He said as truth, and he says those three words several times, I’m thinking those words are rather important. [Continue Reading...]
by Elise Daly Parker
Even if you don’t go for a big New Year’s Eve celebration, the New Year can mark a fresh start, a new beginning, a shift in focus. It’s a good time to take a look back at the past, and consider a vision for the year ahead.
Many people choose a New Year’s resolution or two… [Continue Reading...]
by Susanne Ciancio
Television shows like Everyone Loves Raymond are extremely popular because they hit upon a tender spot in the reality and culture of our family dynamics. Truth is stranger than fiction for sure and sometimes the Barone family problems pale in comparison to what we ourselves and our friends and neighbors are struggling with.
by Noelle Rhodes
Marriage is a journey you travel with someone. It’s not always perfect but that’s okay. We are meant to grow together and get better at being “better people for each other.” I am glad Troy and I haven’t had it all figured out since the beginning of “us.” What a boring story we would have to tell you now if we were always perfectly in love and never fighting! It’s the victories in the tough struggles that give hope.
by Susanne Ciancio, LPC
Getting married is the most remarkable, significant, meaningful commitment most human beings ever make. Many young people dream of their wedding day their whole lives. If couples put as much time preparing for their marriage as they do their five- to eight-hour event, the divorce statistics would be immensely reduced. The wedding is a wonderful event, but the marriage is a challenging lifelong journey.
by Susanne Ciancio, LPC
In Part 1 of this series, we discussed the research of marriage counselors and psychologists John and Julie Gottman on married couples, which revealed Four Predictors of Divorce. The Gottmans refer to these predictors as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, which include criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. This month we will look at a couple of strategies the Gottmans suggest using to avoid these predictors.
by Elise Daly Parker
Does your marriage ever feel more like a business to be managed than a relationship to be cherished?
Are you a Get-It-Done type who has a whole list of things for your husband to do at all time?
Do you ever find yourself barking orders at your husband as you try to manage all the coming and goings of your kids’ and their activities?
by Susanne Ciancio, LPC
The Gottmans say they can predict whether or not a couple may be heading for divorce within the first 15 minutes of interviewing them. They call these predictors the "4 Horses of the Apocalypse." Take a look at these predictors to discern if your marriage is in trouble.
by Elaine L. O'Neill
When we exchanged our marriage vows, we both meant it when we said we would commit to each other from that day forward: In sickness and health, rich or poor, till death do we part. It was the part about loving and cherishing I had to learn more about. My dreams and goals did not always line up with my husband’s. As a result. I struggled with humility and resisted putting aside my plans to minister to and walk with my husband.
by Elise Daly Parker
Are You Having an Affair?
Well I was. I didn’t know I was. In fact, it came as quite a shock…
It was one of those periods when I was particularly critical of my husband; every little thing he did bugged me. He got his hair cut too short. He wasn’t loving enough. His chewing was bothering me. And appreciation that he was willing to empty the dishwasher wasn’t my first thought…No, instead I thought about how annoying it is that he always leaves one thing out. You know, he puts all the cups, plates, silverware, utensils away…but he leaves the one lone bowl out, below the cabinet where it belongs. [Continue Reading...]
By Susanne Ciancio, LPC
So, does your husband listen to you?
I know that can be a loaded question! At the base of much marital conflict there is an issue of not listening well to each other. More than that, couples often struggle with giving the time and attention required to really hear what their spouse is saying. Want to make a wife happy? Give her a husband who devotes focused time listening to her - hearing her heart, her hopes, and her dreams...not to mention her frustrations. Of course, the same is true for our husbands. [Continue Reading...]
by Susan Panzica
Over the course of our 26 year marriage, my husband Tony and I have attended our share of marriage conferences. While each had value, we didn't experience any life changing (or I should say marriage changing) moments. That is - until we attended the You're Still The One marriage retreat weekend, held once a year around Valentine's Day. We learned practical communication tools, some of which we even used with our children. [Continue Reading...]
by Kimberly Amici
When my husband and I first met, I lived in Atlanta and he lived in New York City. While visiting the Big Apple, I met up with a college friend for drinks. She had a friend, who had a friend…
It wasn’t until a few months later that we “got together.” I was back in town visiting and I reached out to him to see if he wanted to catch up. He did.
After I returned to Atlanta we started calling each other.
At first in was only once a day, then it was two, sometimes even three times a day. At night we’d talk on the phone for hours, just getting to know one another. We started to email back and forth too. I couldn’t wait to see his name come across the computer screen. We forwarded interesting articles, continued conversations we started on the phone, and let the other know we missed them. [Continue Reading...]
by Elise Daly Parker
My lover is mine, and I am his. Song of Solomon 2:16
Chris and I were engaged on February 14, 1984, 30 years ago. And we’re still here—together, married. It was a lovely romantic evening at the historic Summit House in Jersey City, NJ. I had an inkling. Chris and I had been together for four years…we had been talking about marriage. I had my reservations. Not about Chris. About timing.
Were we ready? [Continue Reading...]
My husband and I have been traveling back and forth to Pennsylvania to visit my mother-in-law who has been seriously ill. At 90 years of age, Nadine went into the hospital to get a pacemaker. Up until that time, she was a healthy, strong-willed person with a sound and alert mind, still able to drive her own car. Complications set in and she was eventually placed in a rehabilitation center.
Despite the fact that I did everything I could to please her, and to be the daughter that she never had, Nadine never accepted me. Her only son Michael, now my husband, entered the Navy when he was just 17 years old. When he was discharged, he decided to stay in Virginia rather than to return to his hometown. I met him two months later. Despite the timing, Michael’s mother blamed me for his decision, saying that I wanted to keep him away from her.
I liked Nadine immediately when I first met her!
She was very friendly and outspoken. However, she kept calling me Barbara. This lasted for approximately six months. Whenever I asked Michael why she called me that he would respond, “Oh don’t mind her, she’s just getting old.” I found out later that Barbara was Michael’s distant cousin and high school sweetheart, whom Nadine had wanted Michael to marry. Nadine told me that she thought the reason that Michael didn’t move back home was because of Barbara. Ok, so which is it? Is it my fault or Barbara’s?
When Michael and I became engaged, I showed Nadine my ring. She responded, “Why, that’s bigger than mine!” Her comment surprised me because it sounded like jealousy. This bothered me; I had a problem ignoring it.
Michael and I were engaged for about eight months when, one night, Michael said, “That’s it, we’re getting married tomorrow!” We eloped without telling anyone. When we arrived back home, we shared the good news with our parents. At a time when family was supposed to be happy for us, Nadine was devastated. She once again blamed me, this time for robbing her of seeing her only child walk down the wedding aisle in church.
It seemed Nadine didn’t like anything I did.
She didn’t like me having a job. Then, when I quit, she didn’t like me being at home. She didn’t like me teaching my children responsibilities (chores) around the house and she certainly didn’t like me raising my children in my newfound faith. She once shouted at me, “I don’t care what the Bible says! I only care what my church says!”
Nadine didn’t like the way I cooked food or cleaned the house. She certainly didn’t like the car I drove. She even stood in the hallway of her home, shaking her finger in my face, and told me that she didn’t care anything about me; she only cared about Michael. I had gotten to the point where I would become physically sick whenever we would make a trip to visit with her. I would try to talk my husband into leaving me at home, but he wouldn’t hear of it.
I prayed, “How long do I have to turn the other cheek Lord? How many times do I have to keep on forgiving her?”
Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV) says "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.". That means that when the enemy of our soul comes to us and replays all of the horrible things that another person has done to hurt us, we are called to forgive them.
Forgiveness is a choice that each one of us has to make.
Over the years, I had developed the mentality that this woman was too big for even God to do anything with. But after spending time in prayer for her, I could see that she was hurting inside and desperately needed the unconditional love that many of us search for in life. God loves her and cares about her just as much as he cares about me. God gave me a compassion for her that enabled me to look at her through His eyes.
I made the choice to let go of all bitterness, resentment, and un-forgiveness that I had developed toward my mother-in-law over the years.
It was only when I began to pray for God’s mercy and forgiveness to be upon her that I started to see a change in her attitude toward me. By the time Nadine became sick, I was able to look at her and repeatedly think to myself, she’s not bigger than God, she’s just flesh and blood.
For the last six months, Nadine has allowed me to pray for her and she has even said the prayer of salvation with Michael and me. On a recent visit, she told me, “It’s nice that you pray for me like you do.” When I kissed her on the cheek and said, "I love you." she replied, "I know you do." On another visit Nadine turned to me and said, “I have accused you of many things these past years, but I was wrong.”My first thought at her statement was that of astonishment.My second thought was, “Why couldn’t this moment have come years ago?
If you’re having difficulty with your mother-in-law, begin praying for her today. Take the promises of God from the Bible and claim them for her. Remember, she’s YOUR mother-in-law. Don’t let the devil steal what belongs to you!
Post script:At 91 years old, Nadine died on February 25th, 2013.She will be missed by many people but especially by me.However, I know that I will see her again when I leave this earth to be with our Lord and Savior.
Martha has been married for 41 years and is a mother of 2 grown children, grandmother of 3. She has ministerd to children, ages 7-9, for 18 years. She also ministered for 9 years in Victorious Overcomers Support Group. Her body was healed of cancer and her marriage saved from divorce by the power & mercy of the One True Living God! She is the author of Unforgiveness, Cancer, and Healing coming out soon. Click here to follow her on Twitter.
An engagement memento box from Chris for our 25th anniversary
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:16
We grew up, five kids, in a big old house with lots of bedrooms. Then one by one, we left our home to go to college. So for many years, our home was a place where we all came and went, regularly. Holidays and summers were times of reuniting.
One of the ways my divorced mother was able to hold onto the homestead was to rent out a room or two to a boarder. This was a common occurrence in our college town. All you really had to do was hang up a sign on the college community bulletin board and you pretty much had your pick of possible renters.
So it was no surprise when a boarder moved in shortly after I left for my senior year at Boston College.
Mom and I would chat every couple of weeks. There were no cell phones, no texting, no personal computers or Macs, but we did have a landline house phone in our on-campus apartment (fun times!).
One evening in October, Mom called. She was full of excitement.
“Have I got a boarder for you!” Mom practically burst through the phone.
“Really? Tell me…”
“Well, he’s really cute. He’s a poet, getting his masters at Columbia. And he has the most adorable daughter. You are going to love him.”
“Hmmmm…sounds good, Mom. Guess I’ll meet him at Thanksgiving.” And our catch-up conversation continued.
I was intrigued…
Sadly, when I arrived home from BC, I found out that Chris’ dad, only 45 years old, had passed away. As a result, Chris was home only briefly, but long enough for me to see that indeed this guy was really cute and sweet…and long enough to make him a batch of cookies to bring to his grieving family.
I went back to college, more intrigued, but there really hadn’t been time to get to know Chris at all.
Still, I definitely had a crush and my roommates were all ears as I told them about Chris the boarder. I also began writing in my journal, which was filled with prayers asking for God’s guidance. Could this guy, who just happened to live in my home, in a bedroom downstairs from my room, be the man God had in mind for me? It seemed too good to be true.
Christmas vacation came and went. Chris and I passed by one another in the hallway, but spent no time together. This was fine since I was busy living my life, reconnecting with friends, having a holly, jolly holiday.
During Spring Break, I headed down to Florida with two carloads full of BC seniors. On the way back, Easter Sunday, we all camped out at my house for one night before returning to BC. Chris and his mom stopped by and my mother invited them in for a visit.
I was so nervous and excited. My heart was in my throat, my palms were sweaty, I was flitting around like a fool!
Oh yes, I had a growing crush. There was something so innocent, so good about this guy. He was genuine and real…and I had had plenty of experience with superficial immature game-filled relationships.
I left for my last month of college life. One of my roommates said with absolute certainty, “You are going to marry that guy.”
My roommate and my mom were right…Chris and I have been together 34 years, married for over 27.
When people ask me where Chris and I met, I exclaim, “Right in my very own home.”
Some would say fate brought us together; I call it divine intervention. And I’m very thankful!
What’s your story? Where or how did you meet your spouse? Tell us HERE!
Elise has been married for 28 years and is mom to four mostly grown girls. She is a writer, editor, writing coach, and blogger. She believes we all have stories that matter--big life bios and small meaningful moments. Elise believes our stories are a reflection of God’s glory and are meant to be shared. They have the power to inform, reform, and transform. She loves God, familly, friends...and really likes travel!
by Susanne Ciancio
This month I'll be looking into more serious marital issues of abuse, mistrust, and betrayal. These issues can present themselves in the following ways that necessitate counseling.
by Susanne Ciancio
Anytime is a good time to see a marriage counselor. All marriages have conflicts, just as all relationships do. If there is no conflict, one of you may be unnecessary. What I mean by that is that the only time couples can report there are no arguments, disagreements, etc., is when one spouse calls the shots and the other passively goes along. Healthy relationships have conflict!
by Sheila Wray Gregoire
If sex is supposed to be so passionate, and reflect "the promises and pleasures of our covenant relationship" with Christ, then why is it so blah for so many couples? Or why is it almost non-existent in some marriages?
by Martha Wentz
Growing up, I remember hearing people say, “The wife is always the first to know when her husband is cheating on her.” Of course, that never made any sense to me. I would question, “If a wife knows that her husband is cheating on her then why doesn’t she just make him stop?”
by Elise Daly Parker
When I first met my husband Chris, 33 years ago, I had all kinds of romantic notions about what love was…and what it would be like for us to be married. And there have been plenty of romantic moments laced throughout all these years.
