Tears are forming in my eyes as I sit here tonight writing this. Originally, I deleted this post because I just didn’t feel brave enough to share the backstory to my God-sized Dreams.
But here I am, shaking in my slippers and praying God can use my testimony to bless and encourage you.
When I introduce myself as flawed and messy, it’s because I’m truly just that. My past is tattered with two failed marriages, physical and emotional abuse, and adultery. I used to be in church ministry, attended regularly, and was betrayed there as well. I’ve made mistakes I’m not proud of, hurt people I never intended to hurt, and been wounded by people I trusted far more than I should have.
I may have and still do make many mistakes in my life. However, there is one thing that I have never lost sight of is God's amazing love for me. His ability to take my burnt offerings of failure and turn them into beauty. I have never doubted my faith in Him and never lost site of his greatness...I have only faltered when I try to do things on my own and in my time.
Once I realized that by living the life I was living, I was living a lie, I took hold of the hand of Jesus and allowed Him to pick me up and walk again. Once I was blind, but now I see. Once I was deaf, but now I hear.
My God is greater than any failure in my past and any obstacle in my future. << Click to Tweet
I am confident that if He brought me through it once, He will bring me through it again... victoriously!
I’m flawed and messy, but God’s love, grace, forgiveness, and healing have touched my life in ways I could never have imagined.
I am now happily married to my best friend, Tyler, who has a beautiful little boy who I love as though he were my own. Tyler loves and accepts me, in spite of my past, because it is through all the pain, the failures, and the healing that God molded me into the woman I am today and the woman he fell in love with. I can’t begin to tell you how amazing it feels to be loved this much. To be accepted, appreciated, and cherished for being me. I’m safe in Jesus and He’s given me a husband with whom my heart is also safe.
I’ll be honest with you. One of the biggest reasons I’ve held back my dreams is because I’ve carried this lie of a scarlet letter on my forehead. The one that says because of my past failures, I’m unfit to be used by God. The lie that says my past doesn’t warrant God’s blessings. Lies that ask, how could God use me to encourage others when I hurt so many in my past. Who would want to hear from me? What do I have to offer other than a tattered past?
Then Jesus steps in & whispers to my heart:
“There is no scarlet letter;
My blood covered it
and my water washed it away.”
Love,
Jesus
I wish that hearing Jesus whisper those words to my heart, would mean I’m not scared anymore, but truth is, I’m still scared. I’m scared of being judged. I’m scared of being talked about. I’m scared of being betrayed. However, I’m walking through those fears with Jesus!
I am confident of this:
When Jesus speaks, it is Truth and when He forgave me, He gave me a clean slate.
“As far as the east is from the west,
so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.”
Psalm 103:12
I am confident of this:
People may judge me, people may talk about me, and people may betray me, but Jesus has forgiven me and sees me as beautiful.
“No weapon formed against you shall prosper,
And every tongue which rises against you in judgment You shall condemn.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
And their righteousness is from Me, Says the Lord.“
Isaiah 54:7 NKJV
I am confident of this:
Jesus’ Words for me are pure and true! I choose Jesus over fear.
“But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood,
a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises
of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;”
I Peter 2:9 NKJV
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me,
Because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives
And recovery of sight to the blind,
To set at liberty those who are oppressed;”
Luke 4:18 NKJV
How about you? Is your past holding you back from the Dreams God has for you?
I can’t encourage you enough to grasp the hand of the Dream Giver, and embark on the journey He has for you.
The journey to healing won’t be easy, you may not know what’s next, but with Jesus by your side, you’re sure to make it through!
Satin loves being a wife to her best friend, a step mamma to the cutest little boy ever, working a full-time job, running a business and off-roading with her husband, writing on her blog My Heart, His Words, shopping for shoes, lunches with her Mom, and making memories with her family and friends.
photo credit: Kimberly Coyle | Instagram