I was a young model just beginning, receiving more positive attention than I knew what to do with. The excitement of agencies interested, go-sees, meetings, and interviews carried with them a strong sense of accountability. As their eyes met mine, they seemed to be asking…
Will you look this good in three years?
Will you be able to take this?
Can you keep your measurements?
Is that really your body, or did you just fast for three weeks before this meeting?”
Whether the questions were truly being asked behind cold, clinical stares, or I was simply imagining the worst, I suffered the pressure of the possibility. Soon after the initial excitement of modeling died down, I realized this was more work than profit. I began to truly see what my place in the industry was.
I was the canvas.
I can recall a time when a mother of a young model remarked, “It’s like herding cattle.” She was referring to us. We were the cattle. The models. The multitude of models. It left me a little upset, thinking of myself as just “one more of them.”
During a photo shoot in New York that I was particularly excited about, I listened to my stylist discuss what shoes I’d be wearing in the next shoot. “The combat boots with the clunky heel.” I imagined a different pair of shoes that I thought might look better. Then giggled to myself at how silly it was to even come up with my own idea. It’s not my vision that mattered, it’s “theirs,” and that was okay.
What many people do not know about modeling is that you do not live a non-stop glamour fest. It is a competitive, intimidating, demanding line of work, but I loved it! The glamorous part was simply the joy of someone doing your makeup, spending time and effort on your hair, fussing over what you wear, and how the light hits your skin.
There is no denying that amidst the many cups of coffee, flying makeup brushes, and chatty stylists, I could not help but feel…Beautiful.
With so many people paying attention to, well, me, it seemed almost silly to think they weren’t invested in what they were doing. But the cold hard truth was they were working, and I was working. Despite the laughs during a funny moment on set or the friendly conversations, we were there for business. Being on set as a model is an art and a job. I started thinking, what if I could choose the styling of this shoot? What if I knew for sure that they cared about me?
Don’t get me wrong, I love modeling! However, what many women who envy me don’t realize is that if they were in my shoes, modeling wouldn’t fill them up inside. It didn’t fill me. As a professional model and actress, I’ve experienced the “glam moments” that we all dream of and they left me feeling…well, empty. Those things are not made to fill you or answer the questions, “Am I beautiful?” and “Do I have value?”
My personal desire to be told I was beautiful, to have my beauty affirmed, and to live in confidence and assurance of my personal worth as a human being would have to come from somewhere else. But where?
Think about it. How many women have ever experienced someone spending hours on their beauty, their style, their dreams, and their perspective? No one. I’m a model, and I haven’t! That’s one of the purposes of Verity Varee…to explore you.
I love stories.
Ever since I was a little girl, I begged to be read “one more story” before bed! Sometimes I wouldn’t look at the pictures so I could imagine my own. My mom told stories, my dad told stories, my Nana and Papa told stories, my brothers told stories, Miss Patty down the street told stories.
And I love people.
My favorite stories are of real-life accounts from a person sitting right in front of me. As she describes the scars of her past, her greatest joys, and deepest longings, her face begins to make sense. Every crease, every laugh line, every micro expression is intricately connected to her person and the many chapters that make up the story of her life.
My experience and passion has given birth to Verity Vareé. It is a company for women, by women. Our Reveal process gives women the opportunity to write their own story through a photo shoot in which they are the models. They work with make-up artists and stylist to be the creator and the star of their own vision of beautiful. Also, on our site you will find articles posted that promote a message of truth about beauty through the stories and experiences of the women we interview, the writers we use, and the beautiful images we post.
Yes, you have value. You are beautiful. Let’s talk about it.
To hear more about what Verity Vareé check out this video:
Emily Dean is wife to Ethan Dean. One of the greatest opportunities and privileges of her life is playing in their band, Emy&Ethan, and founding their new company, Verity Varee! She has had many opportunities to delight in her passions and is pursuing a career in acting, modeling, singing/songwriting, and makeup artistry. With a full plate and full heart, Emy strives to do everything to the glory of God and use every trial in her life to texture and color her story and ministry. Creating and performing is the joy of her heart.