It’s a New Year…Why Am I Feeling So Many Old Feelings?

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New year. New beginning. New season.

Yet same old feelings of brokenness, hurt, and ache that penetrate my heart. You see friends, in August I said goodbye to my dad who, after fighting a courageous battle against cancer, went Home to be in our Heavenly Father’s eternal and glorious presence. My world came crashing down as I cried, pleaded to Jesus to bring healing to my dad’s body. My heart and soul shattered for my family, as we experienced a loss that will be forever imprinted on our hearts. 

How do we move forward?

We entered a new season that I, quite frankly, don’t want to be a part of. I am left angry and bitter. Upset and often times confused at His plan. Then I remember the sweet and subtle truth my dad shared, “For as much as we think we are participating in this life, it is ‘For His Glory.’ We are to bring praises to His name through our circumstances.”

Most times when I remind myself of the wisdom that flowed from my dad’s mouth the phrase “easier said than done” shouts loud and clear like a neon sign blinking in my head. I think, “How? How can I even mutter praise from the valley, Lord?” Before I head down to the very dark place of bitterness, He quickly scoops me up in His arms and whispers this Truth into my ear.

 "Come to me {Megan}, you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest {Megan}.” Matthew 11:28.   

My dad’s focus was on eternity. He physically lived in the present, but spiritually had his eyes focused on Jesus. To his very last breath, he lived out God’s plan for his life with dignity and strength that brings a challenge to my walk. Through all and any circumstances, his faith was never shaken. I want that. I yearn for that. I seek it. I want to pick Jesus each morning. He is my Redeemer. Father. Comforter. Friend. I want to purposefully search for His strength when my body is ready to cave. I want to cling to His glory with every step I take. I want to rest. I am tired. I am weary. I need my Father’s presence.

So, on those days when my broken thoughts shout empty promises - reel me into your Truth, Lord.

God doesn’t expect my family to go through this grief alone. He is closer than our very own breath and experiencing each step with us. We can rest in His eternal promises, knowing when we are called Home we will be in His kingdom…Rejoicing! Praising! Thanking!  Until then, we need to run like the wind and chase His Glory every day.

So, to those who are hurting, aching, broken, weary, tired, angry, bitter, or all the above, there is a Father who understands absolutely everything and gives us rest in His wonderfully strong arms. He never abandons. He doesn’t expect us to be strong without Him. In fact, it’s quite impossible to do so. This walk is hard. That is why I daily ask to lean on my Heavenly Father who can carry us through our stormy seasons. We have a choice to run toward or away from Him. Let’s run toward His peace and protection. Ask for it daily! He knows our every thought and loves us so much.

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.”  (Psalm 139:23)

Friends, I am praying for you today. Wherever you are. Whatever season you are in. Let God’s abundant love and peace transcend over your heart, mind, and soul. I pray a guard will be let down in your heart as you come before your Father’s throne with hands held high as you surrender to His peace. He will take you to a deep place of recognizing and experiencing His love for you. 

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Megan Romeo was born and raised in a small town in Pennsylvania. She is the youngest of three siblings. She is an oldie but a goodie kinda' gal. Nick at Nite re-uns are her favorite and her go-to is I Love Lucy. She graduated on May 6, 2007, and married sweet Aaron on May 26, 2007, at the ripe age of 22. She loved working for Make-A-Wish Foundation of Greater PA and Southern WV as Communications Assistant. She now has the great joy of being mommy to her sweet son. God has surely made himself known over the past few months, as Megan.has come to a point where she has no other choice but to seek, chase, and yearn for God daily. Her dad was called Home in August after a courageous battle with cancer. She is clinging to her Heavenly Father now more than ever before. Writing has helped her during this grieving journey. Megan looks forward to how God is going to use her for His story as it is all “For His Glory.” Find her at blog or on Twitter

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